The ask
The whole thing takes about ninety seconds. You'll remember maybe half of what you planned to say, and that's normal. Here's how to make the half you remember count.
What to say: four sentences
Long speeches fall apart under adrenaline. Four beats is enough, and you can hold four beats in your head while your heart rate is 160.
- A moment. One specific memory. The more ordinary the better.
- What changed. What your life is like with them in it.
- What you want. The future, said plainly.
- The question. Their name, then "will you marry me?" Use the actual words. People have forgotten to ask.
Something like:
"The night your car broke down and we ate gas station sandwiches on the curb, I remember thinking I'd rather be stuck with you than anywhere else with anyone. That hasn't changed once. I want every ordinary day I've got left to have you in it. Sam, will you marry me?"
Write yours, say it out loud twice in the car, then stop rehearsing. It should sound like you talking.
The mechanics
Small things nobody tells you.
Which knee
Either. Tradition says left knee down, ring in the right hand. Nobody is checking. Kneel after you've started talking, so they know what's happening before the ring shows up.
Where the ring lives
A zipped or buttoned pocket. A slim ring box hides better than the cube it shipped in. Check the pocket before you leave the house, and then leave it alone. Patting it every two minutes is a tell.
Which finger
Fourth finger, left hand, in most of the US, UK, Canada, and Australia. If your hands are shaking, hold the box open and let them take it. That counts.
Open the box the right way
Hinge toward you, so it opens facing them. Practice once. Presenting the back of a box is a classic.
The photographer's signal
Agree on a spot and a cue, like you taking off your jacket. Face your partner toward the camera, which means your back is to it.
Afterward
Give it a few minutes before the phones come out. Then let them make the first calls. It's their news as much as yours.
The week-before checklist
- 7 days
Reconfirm every booking
Table, photographer, tickets, the friend who's helping.
- 3 days
Check the forecast and call plan A or B
Use the rule you set earlier. Tell anyone who needs to know.
- 1 day
Charge your phone, clean the ring, lay out clothes
A soft cloth is enough for the ring. Wear something you'd be happy to see in photos for forty years.
- The day
Eat something. Then ask.
Nerves are fine. They mean you understand what you're doing.